After predicting the future through cards, palms, dreams, horoscopes, lightning, coffee grounds and champagne bubbles the definitive method is now here: Rumpology. It also goes by the name of Bottom Reading, it’s a pseudoscience performed by examining crevices, dimples, warts, moles and folds of a person’s buttocks. A butt has more to tell than a hand apparently.

The shape of the buttock is a dead giveaway on a person’s characteristics. The left and right buttocks reveal a person’s past and future. “The crack of your behind corresponds to the division of the two hemispheres of the brain” according to Jackie Stallone, who claimed that rumpology is known to have been practiced in ancient times. Stallone has been largely responsible for the ‘revival’ of rumpology. Rumpology can be performed by sight, touch or by using buttock prints.

According to rumpologists an apple-shaped, muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative. A person who enjoys life. A pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient and down-to-earth. A round bottom indicates the person is open, happy and optimistic in life. However, a flat bottom suggests the person is rather vain and is negative and sad.